We all have our struggles, our demons and what we choose to do with what's possible to keep going. I'm no different, had my fair share of battles, physically and mentally. Others have it way worse than me and I wouldn't compare myself to someone who doesn't have much but wishing they did so they can live a peaceful life. Hell, maybe it's the universe or god or whatever you want to call it that gives me a reason I'm still going strong when I was already close to death before I even knew what the word meant and able to spell.
Have my own struggles and fears daily but also have places that I can call home, be around those I'm closest to me and be able to talk to those who care enough to listen. I'm very grateful for those things. It's never easy to ask for help but if I need it, there are people I know I can turn to. I wish others had this because many are alone in this world or feel like they're alone and have no one to turn to. At times it may be by their own mistakes or people shut them out and they end battling themselves more than what they may end up doing to themselves.
This isn't just some random rant about anything. Just what I'm thinking in my head. Have I had the worst upbringing? Hell no, but it wasn't sunshine and rainbows either. There were things I learned growing up a kid shouldn't know and understanding some of the things that could've led me down a path to drugs, drinking and smoking but didn't. I knew people who were heavy into drugs, some were and some are still very close to me. The things I saw what drinking does to people, pushed me away from it damn near to the brink where I never wanted to drink at all. Been only drunk once in my entire life and that was in my early-mid 20's and that was it. I didn't black out or anything, I was a happy drunk from what I remember but after that, having a sip of anything was the majority of the time. When it comes to drugs, I think the closest things I ever did was have a few pot brownies once and that was more than a lesson I don't want to remember. Another was when I had my sciatica injury and I was taking muscle relaxers and getting to a point I had to stop myself and just push through my own pain so I stopped taking them and focused on supplementation and other things.
There are very few things in my life that I would call my Sanctuary or things that give me a sense of peace. One will always be my workouts because when I get into them, the world shuts down and I get to create my own universe, be in a state of mind that I feel safe and get to do what makes me happy. Another is being around people I love especially my wife who's just insanely awesome and makes things in my life seem like it's a dream. Yeah, I can be a sap at times, but I'd rather be a sap than some hateful asshat with no remorse towards other human beings that don't agree with him. A third sanctuary, is my office in my apartment. Sometimes, I just sit in here, by myself and write down things, train, read or listen to music and/or meditate. It's where I'm calm, collected and get to look at things that are cool like my decks of cards, mandalas I've drawn, pictures of legends I've met and seeing what I know is me.
I've had my ups and down days like anybody else. The one thing I do believe and anybody who knows me will understand it right off the bat is that I break out into laughter at the most random things at the most random times. A certain thought I think is funny that pops into my head just has me burst out laughing to the point where people like the wife has asked "what the fuck man, the hell you laughing about." I would tell her or whoever and I get looks at times that have them questioning my sanity. In the words of Uncle Albert from Mary Poppins "I love to laugh." Either I find things funny somewhere or a random movie line/scene that comes out of nowhere just has me rolling at times. I guess that's one of the reasons why I've never had severe depression, something inside of me won't let that happen. Laughter, truly is a gift and not just a form of emotion.
For a while now when it comes to Social Media, it becomes more mind boggling how ugly it can get each and everyday. Now I still have Facebook, Instagram, Youtube, Tik Tok and Threads but I don't have others such as Lemon 8, Tumblr, Rumble, Truth Social or Snapchat. The first two I ended up walking away from because neither one were doing anything for me and I have no appeal for them. The rest, just a poor excuse of apps that people go on to shit talk about dumbest stuff that hold no real merit to anything relevant. Snapchat to me, is a poor man's Onlyfans. I deactivated my twitter/X account a while ago and have no desire to go back to it. It just has way too much bullshit and other things that take away other people's reach who have far better platforms than dumbasses who seem to try to be like the Mean Girls in high school, popularity that ends up hurting others. Granted some numbnuts out there have claimed that I only ended my account because of them and want credit for it and act like it's a fact. It isn't, they don't get or even deserve any credit, not to mention that they're just wanna be ego maniacs who can't fight out of a paper bag. If I were a betting man, a 16 year old nerdy girl has more fight than people like that. Besides, they're nothing more than a sag of bones that have no life and have nothing to offer other than wanting someone to put them in a chokehold just to shut him up.
Social Media is a whirlwind but the ones I've kept, suit me well and have plenty of friends and acquaintances on them that are great people that accept me for me. There's negative bullshit on there like anywhere else but I can choose where to go and have conversations that matter. Twitter at the end of day has more people getting away with murder than anywhere else. I do miss some of the folks there like baseball fans or wrestling fans and the few friends I had there but after a while with the other stuff being shadowed, it was a "fuck this" kind of moment for me and it was a route in my journey that I didn't want to cross into anymore and I'm happy to make that choice.
Overall, sure nothing is perfect, why would it? If it were perfect, it be boring as hell. I'm in the best shape right now at 41, I've maintained and even built muscle this year I didn't expect from, I live in a great apartment with an amazingly awesome and beautiful woman, I can still train at a level that has my conditioning be where it's needed, I'm not a big spender so money isn't a huge issue and have a system in place that works, donating clothes I don't need anymore or tossing out ones that have too many holes in them and get to eat awesome food. I'd say, life is pretty damn great and it can only get better from here. We never know what tomorrow will bring but we can make it interesting.
Hopefully you all have a great day and keep killing it. Be amazingly awesome and thank you for taking the time to read this, I do appreciate your patience.
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