Sometimes, there are things you cannot simply change about yourself. You are who you are through experiences, self discovery, observation of your personality towards others and how you apply things. Things change eventually and we can't stop the change any more than we can stop the sun from setting but there are things that will never change because of what you have become and where you move forward.
I do love talking about my workouts and sharing ideas but at the same time, I've always had trouble keeping interested after talking about them. I keep thinking and try so damn hard but alas, every time I talk about my goals or make certain promises of what I'm going to do, my interests sooner or later, they go by the wayside and my motivation and interest doesn't exist anymore with those goals. It's basically a curse I've brought upon myself unintentionally. I' am one of those people for some odd reason, wants to prove to others what I'm capable of doing and yet it comes back to bite me in the ass.
I want to fit in with certain people and I'm confident that I can get along with just about anybody and talk about anything but it becomes apparent that whenever I force myself to fit in somewhere, disaster usually strikes either on my end or theirs. My workouts whether they're short or long shouldn't reflect how much I'm worth to somebody else. Truly the only people that should matter are the ones who encourage me and push me to discover for myself what I can do and learn how to mold it to my own goals and dreams. I know I'm not the only one who feels this, it's human nature to have dreams, goals and fit in because it's tough being alone and understanding your worth in this world.
Sometimes I train because it's what I'm supposed to do and follow someone's protocol down to the very T. My problem with that is, every time I try to just follow a course to the core of it, I become a slave to it and I have no say in how it could truly work for me. It's the way it is and if you can't do it or think you can do better, than you're an idiot. When I started out with Combat Conditioning, I had no idea what the hell what I was getting myself into, I had no real experience with bodyweight exercise, I did it only as a self-rehab program and drilled myself into the program because in a sense I felt that it was what I was told to do. It was painful, agonizing and for weeks during my first run with it, I wanted to quit and give up on myself because at first I was just doing stupid Hindu Push-ups, Hindu Squats and Bridges. The more I kept with it and learning from my friends Tyler Bramlett & Logan Christopher, I started really discovering a whole other world full of possibilities.
Quite frankly, after every single course, exercise, program, the amount of time and the hard work I put myself through, one thing always never changed with me and that was that I couldn't stand following others and feeling like I had nothing to call my own. I started creating ways to fit all the things I learned into something that was meant for me, nobody else. The programs do work but it didn't matter who it was, I couldn't last very long doing what they only do. I had to fight for myself and change what I needed to do for me. I can't do Hindu Push-ups exactly like Matt Furey or John Peterson, I can't do Hindu Squats like Karl Gotch did, I can't do Animal Moves exactly like the Baran Brothers or Mike Fitch, hell I can't even do the speed and precision like a Barstarzz Guy doing Pull-ups but what I can do is exercise that my body allows to do with the structure and accuracy it can only do at the time. I can do things many people the same size as me can't and I have convinced myself that if I took a "day off", I would end up dead or in coma before the day's out.
Change is inevitable but some things will never change because if it comes natural to you, it's what you were meant to do. You'll find things you've never done before and it can be scary and you never truly know if you can do them until you take action but if you force yourself into something and you can't do it but keep pushing it anyway, the majority of the time, it'll end in disaster and it's either going to keep you from what is natural to you or it'll bring you to the brink of always doubting yourself and confidence and the ability to move forward won't exist. Some things are just natural to us whether physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually and when we find that, we work hard to make it stronger. What isn't natural to us, makes us feel fear, doubt and not knowing if it's going to work.
It is not your job to be like somebody else, they're already taken and even if you're a twin; there's always something different. I can't be a second athlete, businessman, teacher, promoter or even someone in Hollywood; I can only be the 1st me because if I try to be like somebody else, where's my true reason to live or discover who I' am?
Train to what suits everything about you. Put in the work that is synergistic to your being, your personality, your outlook on life and helping others discover themselves. It's a gift to help people discover themselves, it's also murder to humanity when you drive people away from what they're true self is and make them be more like you or have them be a slave to your agenda.
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