Yesterday I weighed in for the first time since this injury came back and last I checked I was around 248, just a touch below 249. The pain levels vary from a 3 to a 9 depending when it flares up but when I'm in pain, I literally have little to no appetite so whenever I ate, it was when it was at bay enough to eat. That didn't happen a whole lot. I'd be lucky to eat once a day, very lucky to eat 2 meals but they weren't very big. When I weighed in, I was shocked that I lost quite a bit of weight in a short amount of time. It came up at 238.8 lbs and that scared the hell out of me. It was mainly the little appetite I had and the mere fact that I haven't done workouts to maintain muscle mass.
Sometimes things like that give you a wake up call. It's good to lose weight but at the same time when you're in pain and you can barely even eat or walk around long enough to do much, losing weight can suck and not the healthy way to do it. My appetite is slowly coming back but it's no where near what I can normally eat. Regularly, I can eat a good steak and rice or have nearly half dozen eggs with bacon without issues but I haven't eaten any of that and even if I did, the stress prevents me from even finishing my food which isn't good.
My workouts have been almost nothing but stretches, squatting down throughout the day to ease the pain from walking and occasional animal workouts. The animal training is getting better little by little since I've focused on mainly just moving with technique, coordination and paying attention to my flexibility. I did try to focus on speed at one point but something didn't click yet so I switched to being more methodical, deliberate and just the technique with a slower pace. It started working where I went from doing 7 rounds of a flow (from Movement 20XX) that was a struggle to 12 rounds (5, 5 and 2) doing movements that focused on coordination, flexibility and agility. That animal workout yesterday felt great and didn't feel pain and did some heat and ice afterwards.
I wanted to try something today that I was hesitant to do since I didn't want to fuck anything up. I wanted to see what I can do with the Ab Wheel and test out my Back & Core Strength. After the first couple reps, it started to feel good, kept going and nothing felt wrong or anything and before I knew it, I did 25 Rollouts in a row. That was enough because I didn't want to push it any further than I had to and it was a good mini workout. Didn't feel pain but I knew where the point was on my back and it was annoying than painful so I took it as a good sign that my strength is coming back even microscopically.
The thing I really need to figure more out now is being able to sleep decently. Since this whole thing started back up, 4 hours of sleep a night was my luck of the draw and if I was relaxed enough during the day, I would doze off for a bit but not long. It sucks and the thing that helps with recovery mostly is sleep and I barely get that. It is what it is but I'm doing what's possible right now. With this weight loss as well, it may help the recovery process but it's not the ideal way to drop weight and I can't let myself develop atrophy and lose the muscle I worked so hard to build. Hasn't been easy and have had bouts of anger, depression, frustration, doubts and being on an up and down mental state. Just hate it man.
I hate seeing anyone suffer and it's not living a good life if you're in pain to the point where you alienate yourself from loved ones. I've done it and I'm not proud of it because I can be a very social person. When you have been in such pain that you go into this dark and depressive episode where you don't want help and distancing yourself from the people you love, if you let it go on too long, it becomes something you never wanted. Do what you can if you're in pain but don't let it destroy your humanity. Keep being amazingly awesome and stay healthy physically and mentally as long as you can. You never know what could pop up on you.
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