Been a tough road for the past month or so as my sciatica came back and with a vengeance. It started up again slowly while I was in Lake Tahoe visiting family. Was able to walk around and swim and all that but the moment we left, I was in various amounts of pain and when we got home, it hit me like an aluminum bat over and over on the right side of my body. The pain got so bad that often times, standing upright felt impossible and it took a toll on my physical and mental faculties. Bathing was excruciating and getting food to eat was unbearable to the point where I had little to no appetite.
Mentally, it made me irritable, frustrated, angry and even depressed. I got no one to blame but myself for this and have been beating myself up over it. I'm not saying to make anyone feel sorry for me and not using it to throw a pity party, I'm saying this because this can happen to anybody; young or old even to world class athletes and we aren't 100% immune to it. It has been so painful that it nearly takes the cake over my broken leg injuries all those years ago. Am I showing my age? Maybe, but I'm certainly not dead and would never want anyone experiencing this, even those who've talked shit about me. I have a lot to make up for once I'm better and have made a vow to double my efforts to make up for lost time recovering.
Despite the pain and the emotional toll, I still train everyday no matter what, even if its for a couple minutes just stretching and/or do beginner level animal moves. Is it getting better? Slowly, yes and my flexibility, strength and agility is coming back in micro steps. I've done nothing but stretching, casually walking until I need to squat down and doing increments of the animal exercises from Vahva Fitness. Sometimes I do push through the pain but anybody can only tolerate so much. I know it has taken a toll on my wife and I'm just so grateful for her and what she has done to take care of me, she's strong and pushes me to get better everyday. She truly is my best friend and not just a companion but the ying to my yang, the crazy that matches my crazy and the far better half. I tell her everyday since this happened that the moment this thing is over, she'll be treated beyond the level of a goddess than I already do and going to make up for all things I was meant to do for her, even the little things. My mom has always seen us as the Bobbsey Twins and is quick to remind us of that often. We take care of each other and always have each other's back, I couldn't ask for such an amazingly awesome woman.
Although the workouts are brief, I know I'm getting stronger. I'm standing upright longer now, lasting better in my walking and have taken measures to stretch using my Isometric Belt to generate greater flexibility and even doing certain stretches Isometrically targeting my hips, hamstrings and glutes. I'm definitely feeling it but it's no where near as painful as it was in the beginning. I've only talked about this closely online with the Facebook Group Vim Vigor & Vitality that consists of those who practice Isometrics and other alternative forms of exercise and fitness. These guys are so supportive and have made awesome suggestions. One guy in particular, Batman O'Brien told me that because of what I was going through, he wrote up a series of exercises for me personally to keep up on and that he couldn't let this thing with me go on and insisted on helping me. It was such a powerful gesture and most of what he sent me I was already doing except a few things here and there. He even called me a legend in the Physical Culture world, the guy is twice the author and fitness advocate than I'll ever be and he calls some dude from Santa Cruz a legend. That was so profound and humbling to me that I told him that as much as I appreciate the gesture, I would never refer myself as that because to me, I don't feel worthy of that word.
It may not be over yet, but soon, I'll be back doing what I love and making it more of a habit to keep up the maintenance so I can be at the type of strength and conditioning I know I can be in. This has been the worst I've felt in years but I can't give up nor can I allow this to go on. Pain may tell you you're not dead but pain can change your brain chemistry and turn you into something you don't want to be. It can be depression, full of negative emotions and it can make you mean at times and it's not right, it's not natural and sure as hell isn't someone I want to become. We're all human and we all have lived with some sort of pain in our lives but it's not natural to feel pain especially heavy sciatica pain 24/7 for the rest of your life. Take care of yourself and be amazingly awesome.
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