It Is Time For A Fresh Start

The New Year is upon us. Many people starting fresh with goals, resolutions and more. For me, it's not goals or resolutions but creating intentions. I intend to take things one day at a time, build relationships, work with better enthusiasm and keep away from the damn forums lol.

This year has been a hell of a rollercoaster, some great, some awful and others pretty damn amazing. Got married, read a few more books, had many reflections on who I'am supposed to be as opposed to who I WANT to be. Learned a little more about myself and what keeps me happy and developing acceptance. There were a few times I've lost sight of myself and focused so much on what others thought of me instead of what I truly thought of myself.

I will admit, I got caught up way too freaking much of the forums online. My brother in strength, Bud Jeffries advised me so heartedly to stay off of them, my wife did the same thing and I'm ashamed that I didn't listen or even hear enough with the best intentions. I was addicted, getting frustrated with myself and was driving myself crazy almost daily with updates of the latest thread that was putting a mental strain on psyche. It was like a train wreck that I couldn't help but stare at and just felt miserable but in awe at the same time.

I've been called many names on these different places, a couple I've mentioned on this blog and got caught up in engaging and making it seem like I have split personality when in reality, I couldn't see what I was really doing and that was pouring gasoline on the fire in my mind and giving those jerks what they wanted. One forum had a couple people that were cool with me but others intended to call me out and just sucked me into the rabbit hole of "keyboard fighting" and I hated that I put myself in that position. The other was nothing more than a bunch of guys who spend their time calling out someone else and play school girl gossip games of "who can we go after today?"

I have to let that part of me go, one day at a time. I love my friends, my wife, my family and I appreciate the positive feedback I get from time to time. I know I'm putting a target on my back for some and it is time to just accept for what it is, although they're being negative and I've been negative towards them, I do appreciate in some sick and twisted way of what they do because if you don't get the best from both positive and negative points of view, how do you know if you're doing something right?

There's always going to be some troll or some group that will criticize everything you do and make up their own assumptions without knowing a damn thing about you on the deepest level. I pity them and I hope they find peace someday. Anyone who has truly been around me for an extended period of time knows who I really am on a deeper level and has accepted me for me. All in all, I can get along with just about anybody young or old and I do my best to treat people the way I want to be treated and I help those I love and care about without hesitation and if I have your back, you know I don't shy away from it.

A fresh start isn't about changing who you are, it's about learning who you become from moving forward and taking things one day at a time, it's a journey and no matter where it leads you, make the most of what you have and love with the best intentions. Those forums aren't meant for me anymore, I have made friends, I've made "keyboard enemies" and I don't regret WALKING away from them. It's time to make 2020, the best year to come.