Why Did I Let Them Win?

During the preparation of my wedding, I had some anxiety issues, not because I was nervous about the wedding itself but the after effect of nervousness who had some doubts of what man I'm supposed to be for my wife, my future kids, my work and overall image. I needed a distraction in order to really stay balanced and it didn't really work out the way I wanted it to. I joined a forum out of word of mouth and research, it was decent and had some knowledgeable people there but pretty much from the start it became a negative vibe and mentally painful entities that I didn't want to see but it was right in front of my face.

Some of the people on that forum were nice to me and were open to what I had to say and were inspired by me but the majority were just mean, self absorbed assholes that didn't give me the time of day to just have an intellectual conversation about fitness. Some even tried to call me out on bullshit I wasn't even really aware of. I admit I got caught up in it and lashed back at them and it bit me in the ass. I left that forum for a day or 2 than came back but made up the story of being hacked and had restart the process of being there. That blew up in my face and I got bullied again and also fought back in those keyboard wars which now in my mind was so freaking stupid, I just wished somebody would slap me upside the head and tell me to quit being a bitch and let it go. The weird thing is, whether in reality or online at times, it isn't ignoring certain comments. I wear my heart on my sleeve and some of those people made me feel ashamed of that and I let that happen.

Why did I let them win? How could I have been so blind that I didn't see that they were deliberately trying to get under my skin and I let them pin me down just like the kids that pinned me down when I was 12-13 years old and a kid got on top of me and starting beating the crap out of me. I felt sick and appalled that I let that happen to me. The truth is, these same people who think they're knowledgeable, don't have a clue how to be a true human being and put people down because they look different or have to be this way and do things that cater to them. The real truth behind these people is that they hate on and mock one man and his system of exercise and the people who follow him to such a degree that they band together and do nothing but try to "expose" him as a fraud and a frail old man that can't find his way out of a paper bag. Honestly, these are some sick bastards that need more therapy than an assault victim. One of these guys even tried to compare this one man to Hitler for christ sake, the hell is wrong with you?

Now that I'm married, everything is done, had the wedding, went on the most kick ass honeymoon and ready to start my life as a married man, I started seeing things more clearly and remembering the advice Bud Jeffries gave me when I talked to him about the cyberbullying stuff, it has opened my eyes to a different perspective and going through this experience and surviving it mentally and emotionally makes me appreciate more of what the world does offer and the people that love and care about you is a gift. I'm always learning how to be a better human being not just in my self but to those around me and the things I heard out of Bud, my father, my best friend, my wife's best friend, the BFF's mom, my niece and my sister just shook me to my very soul that maybe there is something about me that can grow into this person and what to do with it.

I had quit this forum a second time even though I said I was back for good because the BS these guys kept coming at was overshadowing the real important aspects of training, philosophy, intellectual conversations and other things. I check in on it occasionally but I don't post there anymore and check out the free info I can find on there that has some value. The rest of those guys can go screw themselves and live in their circle jerk world. They have no real value to fitness or to the aspirations of being gentle and loving, they just love to hate on what values others and can't seem to let go of the person they try to "expose" and live a real life that has meaning, positivity and forming a real relationship. They're nothing but keyboard jackasses that live their lives demeaning others. They don't win anymore and I'm not going to lose sleep over their BS about me or the people they hate on. I hope they find peace and learn to just be human instead of trash.